Only Time Will Tell If Wishing Wells Can Bring Us Anything

My first blog post! It is a Friday night, and like all of the other cool people, I'm sitting in front of my computer.. To be honest I feel like a total nerd right now, but I am a self proclaimed dork so I'm okay with that ;)

Jamming out to Gin Blossoms, I love them. Current song- "29".. listen to it, and listen to ALL the rest, then thank me later. I cannot get enough, and never have. One of those bands forever awesome.  So, this particular Friday night, and they do vary.. First blogging experience, playlist.com, editting photos like a photo-editting fool, and partaking in delicious white wine mixed with blush.. I enjoy the wine.

So why do I find myself to be  "self-important enough" to actually write a public blog online? At the risk of sounding like a narcasist(which I SWEAR I am not on any level ), after hearing the opinions of many others over the years I have fiiiinally come to the conclusion that I agree. Minus what I've heard in physically descriptive adjectives, and the very seldom negatives.. I AM quite weird, awesome, interesting, outspoken, genuine, bold, talented, spontanious, crazy, beautiful, hilarious, smart, impulsive, wonderful, victorious, full of integrity, brilliant, vibrant, marvelous, mysterious and of course  indescribable(indescribable,though told by many, it was greatly gushed upon me by a lovestruck Frenchman,. Moene. Stocked full of romantic intentions and ever so flattering whispers, perhaps it may have been love at first sight for him, he could not find the words).  And, if one has the ability to light up a room by simply walking into it, I say blog it up.

But also, and much more importantly, I believe in keeping a record of one's life and experiences. I find myself thinking I should have been doing this all along! Oh the things I could tell! Geeeeeez!  And honestly, in this moment for some straaange reason I remembered that I accidentally dated a gay guy.. whoopsy. (And my memorey is questionable, fuzzy and slightly hazy in some instances.. but whos isn't. And the reasons behind that, I blame a near tradgic "accident", enough said on that for now). A couple of completely random knowings.. I've been in love..(how many times is for me to easlily remember).. I've been pulled up on stage at a sold out hip-hop concert(sweet).. I've done the "everyone comes to Hollywood for a dream. What's your dream?" thing and, I find myself to be extreemly SHY! (Others do not think so, so much, but for me, I feel it. I am very shy and I find it extremely akward to boast and brag! I find it stange and slightly uncomfortable-just a side note, and with that being said, I continue my blog. Ironic? geeez.) I am a veerry strong believer in not revealing too much too soon!!!! These very few common knowledge things are okay, and I find GREAT importance in them, as I do in everything in my life.. in the here and now, in the past, and the future. One second from now is currently my future! What a trip.

I believe nothing is certain. One may plan their life, and hope for the greatest.. anticipate being blissfully happy, only to find you were wrong. The things you thought you were supposed to want are not the things you truly want.  I have learned that lesson, among thousands of others. I'm thinking of another person as I reflect upon that thought, but I do believe it applies to everyone, including myself.  I personally, have never been too fond of "planning" and picturing a future full of "perfection". Of course I enjoyed the thought of "happily ever after 'white picked fence' suburgatory cookie cutting 'some cheesy ass 'love' song playing in the background as we create our first child" senerio, as a lovestruck teenager..But now, I see differently, and happily so. I realized at a very young age that things change, constantly. That is one thing humans can forever rely upon, change.  In the blink of an eye, in a second in time, as fast as skipping a track on your car stereo, things can change.

And with that being said it becomes everso clear to me why I must blog. My ever changing life, my exsistance, my purpose and being, every thought and intention, every moment I feel anything is important.  I sometimes ask myself the question "if I didn't do that, would this be different?" I have never found the answer, and I never will. Who can know if destiny is pre-destined, or if can we actually change it? Is that allowed? I want to believe that it is allowed, because I hate being controlled, even by forces greater than the imaginable. It is a strong belief of mine that everything in this world happens for a reason. As hard as that is  to grasp and be okay with, it just is what it is.  Accept it or not, I must believe it and I know it is true.  I've made decisions that affect my life greatly, some good, some great, but also some bad, and some real bad.  But I know that they were all right. The path I choose is the one paved for me, no matter how times I get lost or turned around, no matter how many backroads and detours I take, I know it is right.

One thing aboot me is my ability to go on.. and on.. and on. I'm my own little energizer bunny.  But you know, when I am 75 and looking back on this(assuming my life and the human existance on Earth is still my reality), I want to know and read EVERYTHING I've shared and thought.. here.. with myself, because although I find my life important enough to document for my own knowledge and purposes, I do not have expectations that anyone else would care.. although I hope they will ;)  And, another thing, 75 is my "crossing over" age. Oohh, to explain.. I don't want to get old!! I have a fear. And, I hate that I have that fear!! I want to be okay with growing that old, but I cannot, not with the world as it is today.. as it slowly destructs and pushes itself to its inevetable end.(when I say "it" I mean the inhabitants of the world and the choices "we" make, and the choice the Universe will make for us, and itself).. perhaps doom, but perhaps not. And actually, I love that no one knows!

One more thing to be noticed.. when I 'say' about or out, I spell it aboot or oot. It is an inside joke with some close loved ones.. and with myself.It makes me laugh. Its Canadian!! LOL.

I find that this may be a completely RANDOM blogging post and maybe it is all over the place... And, I like that! Randomness is a good thing. The entire point I make to myself, at 27 years old, is that right now I am super excited aboot my life. I have no clue what the future may bring to me, nor do I desire to know at this time. But be it good or bad, I do not fear it and I will embrace it and be grateful to experience it. One thing I believe that is timing is everything, and only time will tell the story of The Marvelous Life that I live.
Peace.Love.J.